Fake Boobs and White Girls

While watching a movie after school (one that unfortunately is "age appropriate" so we let them watch it, however exacerbates every stereotype known to man), a girl in the movie is accused of having fake boobs. Me, always the commentator, reminds the girls that it is HIGHLY unlikely that anyone gets breast implants during high school, and that if anyone ever considered it, they were being ridiculous. Bodies aren't finished developing, blah, blah, blah. You get the point. So after my "after school special" commentary in the middle of this heinous excuse for a movie, Tynisha comments:

"Ms. Homeskillet, I hate to tell you, but girls do get fake boobs in high school. The white girls with blond hair- they all do it."

"Well Tynisha, that is just not the case. This movie shows stereotypes of white people and stereo types of black people. This is not how people really are."

"What?! I don't know whatchu talkin bout Ms. Homskillet, cause I act just like that girl. I know I'm DELICIOUS just like her, I can dance just like her, my weave ALWAYS look good like hers--so I say this movie tellin' the truth."

"So just because you relate to the black girl on this movie, you assume all black people act like you, and all white people act like that blond girl?"

"Exactly."

Keep on runnin' in that Hamster Wheel Ms. Homeskillet!

Dear White Teacher

"Ms. Homeskillet, would you cry if your boyfriend broke up with you?"

"Well, that's a rather personal question, but I guess it is normal to cry when you care about someone and then they are no longer in your life. So yes, I would probably cry."

"Yeah, I thought so, that's what your people do."

"Shantavia, please elaborate... MY people?"

"Yeah, white people. That's what they do when they break up, they cry and eat ice cream. Black people however, we don't cry, we fight you."

Taco Meat

During summer school, we have field day activites every Friday afternoon. Apart from the general onslaught of pandemonium that we, the teachers, get to deal with, there are often a few choice quotes buried like diamonds in the rough...

Lazarius: "Man it's hot out here! I'm too black fo' this!!!"

Umamazinia: "Lazarius, you sweatin' so hard I can see yo' taco meat through yo' t-shirt!"

Naturally, this warrants further inquiry.

Mr. S: "I know I'm going to regret it, but please tell me Umamazinia...what on earth is 'taco meat'?"

Umamazinia: "Hah, You don't know taco meat, Mr. S? 'Taco meat' mean his chest hair, 'cause it that's what it look like. It be all rolled up and junk."

I had to stop myself from throwing up the contents of my stomach at that description. If there's ever been a case against adding artificial hormones to livestock, one need only examine our 6th grade kids' 'taco meat'.

Who You Finna Try

"Who YOU finna try? I bet it ain't me!"

For those of you who are like myself, upon first hearing these words uttered, you might ask yourself, "What country am I in? What language is this? And what in the world is this kid screaming about?". I was introduced to this phrase last year, when a student asked me:

"Ms. Homeskillet, who you finna try with all this homework?"
"Umm, excuse me?"
"I hope you ain't finna try Tanna with this homework."

Since then I have heard:
"I know you ain't finna try MY TEACHER. Watch yo mouf when you talk to Ms. Homeskillet."
Which has obviously become a personal favorite :)

When I questioned the girls about the origin of this little jewel of urban vernacular, they referred me to this youtube video. Please enjoy.

Crunk Coco

Tell Me What You Really Think

"Ms. Homeskillet, you got on nail polish. Why you get to wear nail polish but I cain't wear nail polish?"

"Because I'm grown and you are not."

“Don’t get it twisted Ms. Homeskillet, you ain’t grown, you old!”

Jail Food

So, here's a little background to make this conversation more clear. During our summer program, the government graciously provides each child with a free lunch that consists of processed animal parts (generic lunch meat whose origin is unidentifiable upon sight), and processed cheese product on a (wait for it....), processed white roll that is often so soggy it has the consistency of bread dough. To accompany that delicacy, they are also provided with a chocolate milk that contains as much sugar per 8 oz serving as some sodas, a "juice" bag, yes I said bag, filled with high fructose colored water, and just for kicks, they throw in a bag of carrots (good job guys). Needless to say, the kids aren't a big fan. So today,Charmayne and I had a conversation that went like this.

"Ms. Homeskillet, why I can't bring my own lunch to school?"
"Well Charmayne, it's a long story that would bore you, but basically because the law says we have to feed you."
"Feed us! Well what's the deal with that?! Ya'll ' feedin' us jail food up in here."
"Jail food? Charmayne, you are too young to have been in jail dear, how would you know what jail food tastes like?"
"Well I ain't been in jail, but my brother is, and so is my uncle!"

Well Ms. Homeskillet, nice job walking right into that one. Next time try shutting up just a few seconds prior to prompting a 10 year old to tell you all her family's business.

Summer Lovin'

Well folks, summer school is in full swing, and the Sensation and I busy shaping young minds, and apparently, in the case of the Sensation, gathering quite a fan base.

It was lunchtime on the first day of summer school, and I was talking to the new fifth grade class. The conversation with one girl went like this:

"Miss, miss, miss....What that lady name be?"

"Her name is Ms. Homeskillet, duh."

"Ms. Homeskillet, I got a question. Why is all the girl teachers sittin next to Mr. Sensation?"

"Oh I don't know honey, we like him so we all sit together."

"What!?!? You like him?! Well you better back off, cause I like him too."

(Confused)"But Earmetria, we don't like him in that way, we are just friends."

"Well, don't get it twisted. I DO like him that way, so now you know."