Crazy White Lady

"Yo Ms. Homeskillet, guess what I did to my mentor?"
"Oh dear lord, what did you do?"
"Well, she dis white girl, bout 22. We were together and she was all touching my weave, saying it pretty. So I looked her dead in her face and told her that she should NEVER touch a black girl's weave. It is the rudest thing she could do to a black chick. She was so embarrassed and scared. She started apologizin and everything. I just laughed and told her "j/k". She a crazy white lady, not a smart one like you."

Chinese Massages

"Ms. Homeskillet, you got a massage today?"
"Yes Simalia, I did. The office was nice enough to set that up for the teachers. It was great!"
"A Chinese person did it?"
"Uh, what?"
"You know, a Chinese, one of dem people dat don't look like us. They always be doin massages."
"Really. Well, Chinese people and African Americans do look a little different, but why would they give me a massage?"
"Well duh. You know dem movies. Chinese people always be givin massages. They say 'ohhh, you want happy ending.' That's how it goes.If it happens in the movies, you know it be real."

Teacher or Police Officer- Depends on the Day

Now you would think that a teacher's main responsibility is to educate the youth of America, however at good ole Hamster Wheel Prep, we also serve as various other public servants, police officer being my least favorite.  See,  we don't allow students to bring in food or drinks from home, so there always ends up being a smorgasbord of contraband hiding in the deepest, darkest cracks of their semi-personal space, which I have to explore during locker checks. Today I found:
1.) An open can of cajun boiled green peanuts (half eaten).
2.) A can of vienna sausages (completely devoured).
3.) A pickled sausage (disgusting).
4.) A multitude of various chips.
5.) Three rotten milks (vomit).

Upon beginning this check, my fifth grader exclaims,"I'm clean! I'm clean! I ain't got no drugs on me or in my locker. What's next, am I gonna have to spread 'em and put my hands on the hood of yo car?"

Crazy Hamsters....

So we all know that working in a crazy place such as Hamster Wheel for an extended period of time will cause some screws to come loose...

While passing by a colleague, Ms. Curly Neck, I hear her muttering to herself, "They're coming to get me, they're coming to get me, they're coming to get me and take me away... He,ho, hmmmm."

Remix

While dancing his way through my room with his eyes closed, 5th grader Byrant sings," All I care about is Twinkies and the city that I'm from..."

Now that's a remix I can dig.

What Causes Us To Trip While Spinning Our Wheels

6th grade answer to this question, "In what ways are you and your friends similar to Walt? In what ways are you different?"

"What set me and my friends apart is that he is very talented and masteress and a very moving bill person. Me and my friend are alike like that is because we are all the same things as that. And the main idea is what he is about and tell details about him."

What?

Why We Keep Running

Email from a former student:

"Ms. Homeskillet, my new English teacher's name is Dr. Sounder. You know what, he ain't got nothin' on you."